where'd the trees go? (i don't know)

in ,
alligator bark, originally uploaded by feralboy.
tree graffiti, originally uploaded by feralboy.

A big wet kiss to anyone who gets the obscure pop culture reference in the title. The Feral Marketing Department is excluded because it would be way too easy.

Sacrilege!

in ,

I just ran down to my local groceria (that's Spanish for grocery store, if you're a gringo), to pay too much for a chai at the newly-opened in-store Star-bucks. For whatever reason this particular Starbucks location is run by what must be absolute morons, as they have on more than one occasion had just one person there to do everything; take orders, get money, make change, make order, correct you when you say "large" ("oh, a venti!" (as if "large" is some sort of exotic word from a foreign language which has made it into the English lexicon, such as "hors d'oeuvres", or "sphincter")). But I digress. While my skim milk was steaming I headed over to the bakery section of the store itself, with nothing but a Boston Creme donut on my mind. At first I didn't see them. Then I saw what I could have sworn was a Boston, but it was a Danish cleverly hidden under a layer of chocolate frosting. Grrr. No Boston Cremes to be had. Ok, no problem. They have éclairs. I grabbed one, swung by to get my drink, paid my $.45 for my baked good and left.

Back at my desk, database update script chugging along, and time to take a bite out of my breakfast. First bite, no creme. Ok, fine. They must have injected it in the other end. Second bite. Hmm... something is wrong here. Perhaps I should have noticed then how decidedly light my éclair was. I get about halfway in and come to the sad realization that this morning, there will be no creme. Now, what sick bastard would go around making a donut-like pastry that looks like an elongated Boston Creme but is only a hollow shell of what a real donut should be?

Here's the conversation I immediately had with the Feral Marketing Department:

[08:03:08] FMD: who makes an éclair without cream? [08:03:12] FMD: commies, that's who. [08:03:22] Matt: filthy reds [08:03:29] FMD: ferreals [08:03:34] Matt: of course there were no boston creme donuts [08:03:39] Matt: those were the first choice [08:03:59] FMD: fucking donut nazis. [08:04:08] Matt: "no creme for you!" [08:04:21] Matt: i'm not gonna even eat the last third [08:04:25] Matt: that's my political protest [08:04:30] Matt: in fact, i just may blog about it. [08:04:38] FMD: you should [08:04:45] FMD: that's why you have a blog, after all.

Amen, brother. Amen.

Feral Marketing Update

in

bq. Boss,
Umm, we had some problems with communications from here at the head office out to the satellite office in Athens. As you know, I thought the Olympics would be a very opportune time to increase traffic to the site, but what with the budget cuts to support your poker habit, we had to sub contract the work off shore. Consequently, there was apparently a bit of a miscommunication. I told them I wanted Desmond Tutu to show up as a goodwill ambassador of sorts for feralboy. As you can see, they did at least get the tutu part right. But hey - any press is good press, right?
We'll try to avoid these mistakes in the future.
Sincerely, "Feral Marketing(Our esteemed marketing guru)":http://gregcioffi.com/hammerheads/images/galleries/images/otg2_5.jpg

feralympics.jpg

Britney's new tattoo snafu!

in

(Tip o' the hat to London's "Mirror":http://www.mirror.co.uk/) Britney Spears really needs to start learning from her mistakes, especially when the results are permanent.

Husbands can be erased easily enough but tattoos are much harder to remove - and the singer has messed up yet another of hers.

Photo of Britney's new tattoo

The 22-year-old has had a series of Hebrew symbols etched into the back of her neck in an act of devotion to Kabbalah, the mystical form of Judaism she was introduced to by Madonna.

But unfortunately for her they are absolute gibberish.

Says a source: "She had hoped it would say new year or new era. It seems she's got the words the wrong way round."

(Story continues "here":http://www.mirror.co.uk/3am/page.cfm?objectid=14205055&method=full)

Feralboy bought by Microsoft with $1B package

in

_"That's one heckuva package," says site founder Matt Comroe_ h3. For Immediate Release

*Pittsburgh, PA -- December 11, 2003* -- "Feralboy.com":http://feralboy.com, announced today that it has been acquired in a takeover bid from Microsoft valued at nearly a billion dollars in old newspapers and pets.com stock.

Feralboy.com founder, CEO, CTO, CFO, EVP, and all-around swell guy Matt Comroe expressed great satisfaction with the terms of the buyout when reached in his local office's restroom.

"Oh, no... you guys again? Every time I just want to just blast out a dook, you are in here asking me inane questions about things that haven't happened. Don't you have a life? Don't you have family or a girlfriend or something? "Why me? Why me?('Taxi Driver' on IMDB)":http://imdb.com/title/tt0075314/".

William H. Gates III, founder and chairman of Microsoft corporation, was equally enthusiastic. "I have no idea what you're talking about. Sure, he uses some Microsoft technologies on his site... everyone does. That's the whole point." At this point Mr. Gates trailed off into a series of Gollum-like cackles and mutterings.

Other large web presences have tried in the past to acquire Feralboy.com, including various animal pornography sites, a tea cozy reseller, and Sun Microsystems.

There was no indication at press time as to what changes the Microsoft acquisition was going to bring to Feralboy.com. There probably won't be any more articles about the Linux operating system, since it's such a piece of garbage.

###

More Image Fun

in

My friend "Lauren":http://feralboy.com/photoalbum/photos/20030927_sushi/P1010006.jpg is now getting into the act: Mt. Feralboy

Jesus Loves Feralboy

This, of course, is why "friends don't let friends use MSPaint":http://forums.fark.com/cgi/fark/comments.pl?IDLink=688083.

Mad props to Lauren on her first entries (well, not her first entries, if you know what I'm sayin', but that's a whole other post), and here's hoping she has more for me.