karma

in

karma (if you believe in that sort of thing (and i don't)) is a strange thing. on the walk to the bus yesterday from work it rained. hard. "torrential" might be a good word to describe it. i already had my gore-tex jacket, but i figured with the sideways rain i should beef it up with an umbrella. so, i borrowed one from a coworker's desk (thanks ryan!) on my way to the bus, i saw this poor woman, probably in her early 40s, and totally unprepared for the rain. soaking wet, hair a mess, etc. so, in a burst of inexplicable generosity, i gave her my (ryan's) umbrella. and then proceeded to get drenched on the walk to the bus. good deed for the day done, right?

so of course i'm in a car accident this morning.

i'm in my car, driving down a road that's 2 lanes each way. i'm tooling along in the right-hand lane, doing about 40. up ahead there was a small truck/van in the left lane, waiting to make a turn across traffic and down a side street, with about 3 or 4 cars backed up behind it. being a defensive driver, i'm watching that line of traffic for someone to make their move into my lane, but nobody does.

...until i'm just even with them.

this dope pulls over when i'm so close to her that it's not even like i'm going to rear-end her; i'm going to sideswipe her. everything is moving in super-slow motion, just like they say that it does. i make use of the only exit lane available to me; the sidewalk. swerve over, hit the curb hard, and start sliding down the grass and concrete, trying to manuver between a steel signpost on my left and a line of trees on my right (thank you, anti-lock brakes!). there's a loud *bang* and i figure i'm dead. no, wait. i'm still alive. and the airbag didn't even go off. whafuh?

i get out of my car (with all limbs attached in the correct position), and trot back to her car.

me: "you ok?" her: "yeah." me: "ok, why don't you pull up on the sidewalk in front of my car."

i walk back to my car and survey the damage. no damage to the body. none. both left tires were flat, and my sideview mirror's casing was cracked, and the mirror part of it had popped off and landed in my lap. the driver's side window had also been knocked off its track (presumably by the jolt of hitting the curb), but was in one piece. i went over and looked at her car; no damage. i hadn't even nudged her. some mighty fine driving on my part, if i do say so myself. i even had my wits about me enough to be laying on the horn the entire time i was swerving, braking, and cursing.

the woman was extremely apologetic, which was nice.

i wasn't nearly as shaken as i thought i would be, but it certainly woke me up. i did allow myself to think later on about what if someone had been on the sidewalk where i pulled off, but i'm pretty sure that since i had the sense to actually steer into the sidewalk and drive straight down it, it was probably because i had seen the exit lane and noted that it was clear. i'm just glad i didn't have to actually test that theory; seeing if i could make myself plow into the back of someone's car.

so, my car is at the dealership, and i hope to have it back very soon. we both have the same insurance company, which should speed things along mightily.

i'm on the bus heading

in

i'm on the bus heading home last night with a female coworker of mine. we got on the topic of strip clubs, which led to lesbian strippers, which then finally led to lesbians. she told me about a trip she took down to new orleans to visit a friend of hers who was a lesbian. they went several nights to a local lesbian bar, and my coworker was a bit put out that no one hit on her. "they probably could smell your straight-ness a mile away", i theorized.

"no, they knew right away when they saw i had long fingernails."

gotta love the practicality of that.

i am the scourge of buses

in

i am the scourge of buses. some background: i usually take a fairly long bus ride to and from work; local route, lots of stops. last week i get wind of a few express routes that use this buses-only roadway that makes the route ever so much shorter. so, last friday i go dashing from work in time to catch one of these magical buses. we're on the busway, careening along! no traffic! no lights! god is my copilot! and then, we stop. dead. buses (when they're running) always have this constant, low-voltage thrumming, so when a bus is totally silent it's a little strange. we get on another bus that kindly stops to bring us to the main stop at the end of the busway, where i pick up another one that goes pretty close to my place.

so, yesterday a friend and i make the mad dash in the insane heat to try again. we get on the bus, feeling smug. we're on the busway, and we pull over, dead. our driver restarts the bus, and we start off again with a collective sigh of relief. we make it maybe another mile, and then pull over again. same routine; close all windows, and hit ctrl-alt-delete. this time, while we're waiting for our driver to decide if she's going to try and drive this hunk o' crap another inch, a port authority repair truck comes cruising by. the guys in the truck talk with our driver for awhile, during which time she became increasingly angry. "i told them already that there was a problem with this bus! i asked them to not give me this bus again!" if you close your eyes, you can almost see her head moving from side to side. the repair guys wave her on... sure, it'll be fine... just keep restarting if you have to. another half mile. stop. wait.

another bus on a similar route comes by. our driver forgets she has a radio and starts screaming "wait! WAIT!!!" out the window at this other bus. she finally remembers her radio, and flags that bus down. we all pile on. keep in mind that it was a pretty full bus to begin with, and there were already people on the other bus. so, we all cram in like clowns into a VW, and off we go! we get about 3 stops further, and then when our new driver tries to pull away, nothing happens. the transmission simply won't slip into gear. he tries restarting the bus a few times. no dice. he tries goosing the throttle gently. nada. we're not too far away from the main hub stop, so my friend and i are about to get off the bus and walk back and pick up another when our old driver shows up at the back door. it was great; like a scene out of an action movie where the loveable sidekick that you thought was killed shows up at a critical moment for our hero and says "c'mon guys! what are you waiting for?!?" i swear, she actually said that! so, we all piled back on to the original deathtrap bus and finally made it safely home.

i really hope that this happens.

anyone else have hellacious travel stories? please discuss

productivity

in

wow! you can get a lot done in a weekend if you don't go away. went to a local "goth night". it was.... interesting. i was in the whole goth scene when i was at rutgers, but i grew tired of it. it was just like the cheerleaders and jocks that i hated in high school, but instead of how many drunk cheerleaders you felt up or what car daddy bought for you, people were swinging their music and clothing dicks around. "oh, i've got an ultra-rare sisters of mercy peel sessions. on *vinyl*." "nothing in my wardrobe hits a color level higher than purple." anyway, it was sort of interesting to see the people. of course, i was there in jeans and a white linen shirt, so felt like a sore thumb. there were people wearing white shirts, but they were of the poet/pirate shirt variety. one kid have full skull makeup on, like one of the bad guys from the first karate kid movie. one guy had his head shaved in a (un?)conscious imitation of the singer from the prodigy. one guy had on a shirt and tie, with a full-length white lab coat. ok.... there was also a woman there... stunningly beautiful. black hair, piercing blue eyes, and wearing a fantastic simple black silk dress. but then i heard her talking; pure pittsburgh. the good part of the night was the dj. he was spinning all sorts of good goth/industrial music. but he wasn't just playing a track, and then playing the next. he was beat matching, overlapping songs, *mixing*, you know? good stuff.

went to the karaoke thing last night. always a good time. there were two *ahem* mentally challenged individuals that got up and sang a few times. it was actually quite touching. one guy got up and did such a passable axl rose impression that if you didn't look at the guy, you'd swear it was a suprise g 'n' r show.

cleaned my apartment within an inch of its life, too. i threw my bathmats in the washer, which i've done in several occasions before. this time, however, they didn't really feel like playing. they sort of fell apart; all the rubbery stuff on the bottom coming off in large chunks, tufts of the carpet stuff falling off. i just found it interesting that they all decided to go at once. or, maybe it was the fact that i washed them in hot water... don't think i did that the times before. oops.

angelina and billy bob no more

in

oh, i've been waiting for this. those two were so insane.. buying each other's burial plots, the whole vials of blood thing, and bringing knives into their sex life; you had to wonder just how long it was going to last. it gives me just a tiny twinge of pleasure when one of these nutty hollywood couples talks about how this relationship is going to be the one, the union that's going to last through time eternal, and then the inevitable breakup. i just look at julia roberts marrying a cameraman, rosie marrying her bodyguard, j-lo and her backup dancer, and i just chuckle. but, in happier news... it's the return of ren and stimpy! the show completely took a dump when they booted kricfalusi after the original episodes. the show certainly is his magnum opus, so i'm hoping he can bring that creativity that's been missing back.

karaoke until the death

in

this weekend is the 21st birthday of a friend in our little climbing group. so, the thought it to take her out drinking sunday night. but not just anywhere; oh no... we're going to go to ryan's pub, which is famous for its karaoke. every week, scores of punk rawk/goth kids come out to play. and they are deadly serious about it, too. there's nothing quite like seeing some 6-foot guy with a mohawk, piercings and tattoos up there singing sinatra standards with a carefully controlled fury.

the sperminator

in

my best friend is going to be the father of a lesbian couple's child in about a month. he has the baby shower to go to this weekend, so we stopped by a store to pick up a gift for the shower. let me tell you; baby things have come a long way. first of all, john lennon seems to be this unstoppable force in baby goods; sort of the martha stewart of the infant set. nice that he can keep entertaining america's youth, even after being dead for all these years. also, the technology is amazing. everything seems to vibrate, rock, play music, or otherwise relieve you of the burden of parenthood. there was one cradle/bassinet thing that caught my eye; it had a record and playback feature so you could record your own voice (presumably saying something soothing like "don't worry... mommy is right here in the room, not downstairs having sex with the mailman"), which would play back intermingled with strains of lennon's "imagine". ryan and i had a good time putting our own messages on it and playing them back. "you don't know who your daddy is." "you have two mommies" "you were conceived with porn" etc.

back from a long weekend of climbing

in

so, just got back from a long weekend of climbing. a great time was had by all, except that the area we went to on friday. the climbing itself there was great, but all over the place there were these spiders. now, i'm not normally freaked out by spiders, but these things were hairy. and big; like sneak-into-the-village-in-the-middle-of-the-night-and-steal-your-newborn-child big. i hear that they're not even full-grown yet, and i should "wait until i see 'em in the fall." can't wait.

great weekend of climbing, although

in

great weekend of climbing, although i did get a little bit of a burn on sunday. that sun was strong. i think i was only in it for about 1/2 an hour. on the way home on sunday, i stopped at a "fireworks" tent in w.v. i use quotes around "fireworks", because they were anything but. i guess current paranoia about the world ending means that you can no longer have fireworks that blow shit up. everything now is wussy little roman candles, with all these high-falootin' names like "the titanic!" and "king kong". "bollocks", i say.

in college my old roomate was a firecracker afficionado. he would go to manhattan the week before the 4th, and find some illegal fireworks shop and bring home scary amounts of munitions. he had one that was about the size of a coffee can chopped in half. the fuse was as big as my pinky. there was a sculpture over on one of the rutgers campuses; looked like two ends of a trumpet welded together, and wouldn't you know it, that bomb fit perfectly down the tube. so, we hooked up a cigarette fuse, and ran over to the bushes and hid.

about 5 minutes pass, and we're giggling like idiots with excitement. at the 10 minute mark, we started to wonder if perhaps the fuse had gone out. we get up to go see, and just as we stand up:

BOOOM!!

we didn't hurt the sculpture; it was a monstrous bronze thing, but it still made a sound like the sky had split open, and we ran to his car and sped off laughing like loons. now _that's_ a firecracker.

someone tried to bust a saucy cap in mah ass!

in

monday night i was the victim of a drive-by. i had just pulled up in my car after going to see Minority Report, and i'm turning the car off and taking off my seat belt, and there's a wet *thump* on the door. me: what the heck was that? friend: i think somebody threw something at your car. me: [notices a large smeary brown mess on the side] eeeew! i think someone threw a handful of shit on my car! friend: i don't think anyone would actually do that, would they? me: [sniffs the brownish goo with great apprehension] oh, it's just bbq sauce.

further investigation yielded the offending container (from the local mcdonalds) a few feet away. so, that got me thinking; did the person sort of just toss it out of their window? just a little flick of the wrist? or was it a malicious *winging* of said container? would the forward velocity of a 40 mph car have been enough to splatter the container that violently, since the momemtum would have been almost all forward, and only a little bit to the side?

then i started wondering why i was bothering to assemble my own warren commission over the whole thing, and went inside and got a container of water to rinse it off, in case it ate paint the same way raw eggs do.

Bishop trip pictures posted

in

i finally, *finally* posted the pictures from my bishop trip. i used winXP's slideshow creation powertoy, and it's easy to use, but i don't really care for the finished product; it does some weird dhtml thing where it pre-loads EVERY picture (which in this case is about 100 files ~160k each), and it looks broken until it's done loading. i just want something simple that allows me to slap in templates, choose the "next/previous/first/etc" style, and maybe even put some captions on each one. does such a thing exist yet? i wasn't able to find one, but i also didn't look for very long.

*cue music* mem-ories..... what an

in

*cue music* mem-ories..... what an odd day yesterday was. early on went to a bbq/housewarming party/engagement party for two old high school friends of mine. they bought this gorgeous house up in the more rural area of where i grew up; on a large plot, and it even has a stream running through it. they've done a fantastic job (in just two short months) of decorating on a shoestring budget. that combined with seeing my old roomate's two-week-old house down in lovely ewing, nj has started me thinking about how nice it would be to be a homeowner. the idea that you could invest time in repainting, refinishing, etc. that would not just be until you moved to a bigger/better/differently-located apt., it would be until you _wanted_ to move, which could be never.

also, the more i think about it, the more comfortable i am with the idea of spending a good chunk of future time in pittsburgh. it's really not a bad city; it's clean, safe, relatively cheap. the recent climbing trip to denver helped cement it further in my mind; denver was a very pretty city, and rifle was fun for an alternative to the new, but i really, *really* like the climbing here, both the quality, and how close it is to civilization. the other options for a new place could be SoCal, or the pacific northwest (i'm still in love with seattle).

anyway, after the bbq, my good buddy john and i headed down to the trashy bar right across the lake from where my dad lives. ran into a handful of high school classmates; and oh, what a mind-fuck that was! the whole thing was almost surreal; people coming up to me, recognizing me instantly (although i think i look awfully different from 10 years ago, more metal and less hair). first of all, let me just say that i am *terrible* with remembering names and faces, so last night's encounters were the sort that give me terror-sweats. everyone (well, _most_ everyone) looked so different. almost all the girls i talked to had at least one kid. some of the people (male and female) had almost a funhouse quality to them... i remember them being so thin, and some of them had put on weight, which is hard to wrap your brain around; seeing someone that you so clearly remember in your mind as looking one way, that now looks like they've been attacked by a lunatic with a bicycle pump.

well, if anything, it's prepared me somewhat for my 10-year reunion, which is at the end of this summer (eep!).

also found out that there is a relatively crappy crag not 5 minutes from where i grew up. wonder what would have happened if i had discovered that earlier

washed out

in

well, the weekend certainly didn't turn out like i had planned. saturday was a very good day; air was cool, even if it was wet enough to wring out. got on something new at summersville; crimpy and fun. plans changed slightly saturday night, thou. some people we were climbing with lost their dog, so we got delayed because of all that, wound up eating at almost 10, and decided against driving all the way to the campsite and setting up at 11 p.m. got the hotel instead. next day we got pretty much rained out, but we were still down at the crag until 4 or so... weather was crazy on the drive back... went from cloudy to sunny to torrential downpour back to sunny in an hour's worth of driving.

got back, talked to my dad for awhile. crazy family stuff going on right now; maybe i'll actually want to write about it later.

Weekend Plans

in

aaah.. out of work and free for the weekend. should be a lovely weekend to go climbing. but tonight, going for dinner to my very favorite sushi place. every time i go to that place, it's an adventure. can't wait. the other "excitement" for the weekend is that it'll be my first time camping, instead of staying in a hotel down in w.v. the $60 every night was starting to get a little expensive, so i instead shelled out $400 in a lump for a tent, a sleeping bag, and some other misc camping gear. i also picked up a pair of flip-flops at old navy today (for the shower); they were out of normal colors, so i'm stuck with some patriotic red/white/blue things. hope that rumor about a peephole in the shower is just that...